I just had what is medically termed as early pregnancy loss. In keeping with the light and happy theme of this blog, I will not go into the gory details. Although, there isn't much to tell really. Everything happened so fast. Tuesday evening last week, we were ecstatic about seeing that second purple line. And by Friday morning, I was on the ultrasound table and the doctor was explaining to Pete what it was they were looking at on the monitor and how the miscarriage will proceed from then on. Poor Pete was like "Eh?" the whole time we were in that room, and when I looked at the print-out of the scans later, I understood his confusion. All I could see were blurry noisy monochromatic images (not the type of photos that I can appreciate, that's for sure). But in the middle of all the mess that were my insides was a tiny speck. The embryo--the baby that never was. (I find that objectifying it makes it easier to talk about.)
I feel fine physically. I think I'm now well enough to do normal everyday chores, but just to be safe, I am following my doctor's orders to stay away from stress just for a few more days. And this includes not working for the rest of the week. Emotionally, I think I'm doing much better than I expected. I still think I need a few days to relax and clear my head though. I actually didn't plan on going online at all because I get stressed out easily by the smallest things these days. (I was just over at Facebook, and just reading through other people's posts already stressed me out.) Because of this, I've decided not to check my emails at all. So, if you emailed me in the last few days (or if you know someone who is waiting for a reply from me), please give me a few more days of peace and quiet to be able to fully recover. I have some shoots this weekend and I am going to be back 100% by then. I promise.
One thing I learned from all of this is how lucky I am with my clients. I know I have said this many times, but I really do have the best clients. The first day that I got the "symptoms" and the doctor told me I needed to go on full bedrest for at least a week (which, I just learned, literally meant I had to stay in bed), I started texting those clients that would be affected. I knew they would understand, but what I didn't expect was the genuine concern, the empathy. The "I totally understand what you're going through." Even the "Let me give you my OB's contact number." So, to everyone who sent messages, THANK YOU.
While I'm waiting this tragic episode out I get bored a lot so this morning, I took out my camera and took photos of the only thing in the house that reminds me of this jolly season.
I hope everyone is having a better week.